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Two Birds With One Stone: Man Protests Racial Injustice, Completes Christmas Shopping In One Trip
PHILADELPHIA, PA—Protests over racial injustice erupted in Philly, and not a moment too soon: local man Michael Parsons was getting behind on his Christmas shopping."Well, this is convenient," he said as he saw people were protesting the shooting of...
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The Babylon Bee
Two Birds With One Stone: Man Protests Racial Injustice, Completes Christmas Shopping In One Trip
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Conservatives Successfully Conserve Massive Deficits
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Conservatives in Congress proudly announced Monday they have achieved their goal of conserving massive budget deficits."These progressives want to destroy our country by getting rid of all of our traditions," said Senate Majority...
Republicans Excited To Have Supreme Court Majority Like They Had When 'Roe V. Wade' Decided
U.S.—As President Trump prepares to select his nominee to replace Justice Kennedy on the Supreme Court, Republicans across the country confirmed they were “really excited” to finally have a decisive majority of Supreme Court justices appointed by...
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The Babylon Bee
Republicans Excited To Have Supreme Court Majority Like They Had When 'Roe V. Wade' Decided
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We Were Warned: SCOTUS Rules 6-3 That Voting For Biden Is Unconstitutional
WASHINGTON, DC—They tried to warn us, but we didn't listen. Only one day after the confirmation of far far-right conservative Catholic justice Amy Coney Barrett, the Supreme Court held a special session to strike down all laws that allow people to...
SCOTUS Installs Garage Door So ACB Can Stop In And Hear Arguments Before Dropping Kids Off At Soccer Practice
WASHINGTON, D.C.—To make things easier on the successful wife, justice, and mother of seven, the Supreme Court has installed a garage door behind the bench so Amy Coney Barrett can drive right up to the bench in her minivan while on the way to drop...
The Babylon Bee
SCOTUS Installs Garage Door So ACB Can Stop In And Hear Arguments Before Dropping Kids Off At Soccer Practice
80d
New York Governor Demands Accountability For Whoever Is Mismanaging New York
ALBANY, NY—In a swift and decisive response to skyrocketing crime, unemployment, and pandemic deaths, Governor Andrew Cuomo of New York is demanding to know who is responsible for this mess so he can hold them accountable. "This is bad -- really,...
AOC Calls For Doubling The Size Of The Court By Adding 3 Judges
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Only one day after the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett to the supreme court, AOC is calling for leftists in Washington to pack the courts with liberal judges. According to AOC, the next administration ought to "at least double"...
Supreme Court Runner-Up Merrick Garland Secures Gig On Dancing With The Stars
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Judge Merrick Garland, who came so close to becoming a Supreme Court Justice in 2016 but failed to receive a vote in the Senate, is looking forward to being in the national spotlight once again as a contestant on Dancing With the...
Doug Wilson Talks Worshipers Being Arrested/Sex Robots/Postmillennialism
In this episode of The Babylon Bee Podcast, Kyle and Ethan talk to Doug Wilson. Doug is a pastor, author of over 90 books, most recently of Ride, Sally, Ride, and the host of Man Rampant. His church got in the news recently for a non-socially...
The Babylon Bee
🎙️Today on The Babylon Bee Podcast, @The_Kyle_Mann & @AXECOP talk to pastor @douglaswils.
They talk about his church's non-socially distanced, unmasked 'Psalm Sing' and why a Christian would write a book about sex robots. Yes, really.
WATCH ▶️ buff.ly/3jzHHi3 pic.twitter.com/GlOyP6vPmg
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CNN Mourns ACB Confirmation By Flying Chinese Flag At Half-Mast
ATLANTA, GA—CNN is in mourning today after the confirmation of Amy Coney Barrett to the U.S. Supreme Court. To recognize this momentous tragedy, CNN President Jeff Zucker has announced that the majestic flag of the People's Republic of China will be...
With Moon Water Announcement, Trump Proposes Space Navy
WASHINGTON D.C.—NASA recently announced its discovery of definitive evidence that there is water on the moon. President Donald Trump wasted no time, following up with an announcement of his own. “Water in space means only one thing,” he told the...
Babylon Mom: Here’s A Recipe For The Best Gluten-Free Banana Bread —But First, Some Endless Backstory
Girls, I am so excited to share this amazing gluten-free banana bread recipe. I’ve been making this banana bread for years now and it has become a favorite staple at all my gatherings with friends and family. I just know it will become a favorite of...
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The Babylon Bee
Babylon Mom: Here’s A Recipe For The Best Gluten-Free Banana Bread —But First, Some Endless Backstory
81d
Kanye Announces Follow-Up Album 'Silly Songs With Kanye'
U.S.—After the release of Kanye West's much-anticipated gospel record Jesus Is King today, fans were shocked and delighted to discover that West has already announced a follow-up Christian album: Silly Songs with Kanye, a collection of silly...
Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation's Women To Wear Handmaid's Outfit
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After being sworn in as a Supreme Court justice, Amy Coney Barrett immediately issued a decree that all women are to wear red handmaid's outfits for the rest of their lives."Execute papal order 66," she said, her eyes glowing red....
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The Babylon Bee
Newly Sworn-In ACB Immediately Orders All Nation's Women To Wear Handmaid's Outfit
81d
Kavanaugh Empties Keg Of Beer On ACB's Head In Celebration
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Moments after Amy Coney Barrett was sworn in as a Supreme Court justice this evening, Justice Brett Kavanaugh leaped out of the crowd and emptied a full keg of beer on top of her head in celebration."Yeah, ACB! Wooooo!!!" he cheered...
Cheers Go Up From Nation's Unborn Babies As ACB Confirmed
U.S.—As the vote to confirm Amy Coney Barrett passed the Senate today, a great disturbance was felt across the nation's wombs.Mothers around the country confirmed they felt their unborn babies dancing for joy and heard tiny cheers erupting from...
Kamala Harris's Cackle To Be Played Over Hell's Loudspeakers For All Eternity
HELL—In a bid to increase torture in the afterlife, managers of Hell confirmed today that Kamala Harris's grating cackle will be played over the loudspeakers in the place of perpetual torment for all eternity."Effective immediately, we are no longer...
After Thanksgiving Banned, Californians To Hold Turkey Barbecues In Honor Of Black Lives Matter On November 26
CALIFORNIA—Gavin Newsom has effectively banned Thanksgiving from California, requiring celebrating households to have only a few people, no bathroom usage, two-hour maximums, and individual plates.Californians all announced they are complying with...
The Babylon Bee
After Thanksgiving Banned, Californians To Hold Turkey Barbecues In Honor Of Black Lives Matter On November 26
81d
Chick-Fil-A Accused Of Chicken Sandwich Suppression For Long Drive-Thru Line
ATLANTA, GA—Chick-fil-A has come under fire this week after a state legislator drove by one of their restaurants and snapped a picture of an unusually long line of cars in the drive-thru. The picture went viral, leading many expert critics to accuse...