The Babylon Bee
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Antifa Changes Name To Just 'Fa'
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U.S.—In a move designed to improve the accuracy of the name of the movement, a gathering of leaders of the Antifa protest group voted Monday to change its name to just “Fa,” better reflecting its fascist ideas and methods. The new name is short for...
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The Babylon Bee Antifa Changes Name To Just ‘Fa’ 47m
Enraged Matt Walsh Nails 95 Theses To Pope's Door
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VATICAN CITY—Fed up with the Roman Catholic Church’s inadequate response to recently revealed sex abuse cases dating back decades, popular Catholic conservative commentator Matt Walsh showed up enraged and unannounced at the papal apartment and...
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The Babylon Bee Enraged Matt Walsh Nails 95 Theses To Pope’s Door 27h
Facebook Claims Kidnapping Dennis Prager, Torturing Him In Abandoned Warehouse Was 'Honest Mistake'
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SILICON VALLEY, CA— Facebook on Friday issued an apology to PragerU for “mistakenly” removing Dennis Prager from his La Cañada Flintridge home late Wednesday night and torturing him in a dirty warehouse somewhere in Reseda. “Last night, Dennis...
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The Babylon Bee Facebook Claims Kidnapping Dennis Prager, Torturing Him In Abandoned Warehouse Was ‘Honest Mistake’ 30h
New Noah's Ark Playset Includes Heathen Action Figures You Can Really Drown
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U.S.—A new Noah’s Ark playset released by Answers in Genesis ministries features heathen action figures you can actually drown in any nearby body of water. The figures are equipped with moisture-detection technology and will begin screaming curses...
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The Babylon Bee New Noah’s Ark Playset Includes Heathen Action Figures You Can Really Drown 31h
Youth Pastor Questioned For Rendering Half His Budget Unto Little Caesars
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ST JOSEPH, MI—After a semi-annual budget audit was run by the elder board at Lake Michigan Bible Fellowship Monday, youth pastor Troy “Turnt” Hatley was called in for questioning over the fact that he had rendered half his budget unto Little...
Google Admits Your Phone Will Track You Even If You Leave It At Home
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MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Google spokespeople have admitted that your phone is always tracking you, even if you decide to leave it at home to get away from the grid. Smartphones with Google services are programmed to track their users by any means...
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The Babylon Bee Google Admits Your Phone Will Track You Even If You Leave It At Home 4d
Extremists On Left, Right Eliminate Each Other In Violent Clash, Nation's Problems Finally Over
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CHICAGO, IL—America celebrated today as violent extremists came together in a violent clash, killing each other and ending the nation’s problems for good. Extremist groups from the far left and far right heroically united in completely eliminating...
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The Babylon Bee Extremists On Left, Right Eliminate Each Other In Violent Clash, Nation’s Problems Finally Over 4d
Andrew Cuomo Organizes Flag Burning To Win Progressive Support
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NEW YORK, NY—Thanks to a primary challenge from Cynthia Nixon, Governor Andrew Cuomo has apparently veered to the left in an attempt to not lose progressive support. Recently, he rebuked President Trump by stating that America “was never that...
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The Babylon Bee Andrew Cuomo Organizes Flag Burning To Win Progressive Support 4d
Dems: We Have To Enact Socialism So We Can Find Out What It Is
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U.S.—Democrats across the country have begun urging the nation to enact socialism “so we can find out what it is,” stating that we won’t know exactly what the politico-economic system entails unless we pass it into law. Speaking to CNN Wednesday,...
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The Babylon Bee Dems: We Have To Enact Socialism So We Can Find Out What It Is 5d
Fundamentalist Christian Family Takes Trip To See Hoover Darn
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CLARK COUNTY, NV—The Hendersons may have chosen to homeschool their children from the time they were 2 years old, but that doesn’t mean their little ones don’t get to participate in real school experiences like field trips. For this semester’s trip,...
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The Babylon Bee Fundamentalist Christian Family Takes Trip To See Hoover Darn 5d
Pope Says He Will Address Sex Abuse Scandal Once He's Finished Talking About Climate Change
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VATICAN CITY—In his first public statement on the horrifying, devastating report on sexual abuse within the Catholic Church, Pope Francis stated he would address the controversy in detail once he’s done talking about climate change for a few more...
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The Babylon Bee Pope Says He Will Address Sex Abuse Scandal Once He’s Finished Talking About Climate Change 5d
Sarah Sanders Alleges Tape Exists Of Trump Being Polite And Respectful To Someone
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a startling allegation, White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders says she has knowledge of a tape in which President Trump can be heard very clearly speaking in a polite and respectful tone to another individual. “In...
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The Babylon Bee Sarah Sanders Alleges Tape Exists Of Trump Being Polite And Respectful To Someone 5d
Chelsea Clinton Claims Holocaust Added $3.5 Trillion To German Economy
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NEW YORK, NY—In a speech delivered at a pro-choice fundraiser, Chelsea Clinton claimed that the Holocaust added $3.5 trillion to the German economy. “Think about all the impoverished people that the Third Reich was able to rid themselves of,” she...
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The Babylon Bee Chelsea Clinton Claims Holocaust Added $3.5 Trillion To German Economy 5d
Colorado Baker Forced To Bake Cake Celebrating Possible Closure Of His Own Business
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LAKEWOOD, CO—Christian baker Jack Phillips was forced by a state Cake Enforcement Unit Wednesday to bake a cake celebrating the possible future closure of his own business. A far-left activist group was throwing a party to celebrate the fact that...
Cthulhu Releases Tell-All Book From Time Within Trump Administration
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WASHINGTON, D.C.—Cthulhu the Great Dreamer has released a new tell-all book detailing his time working closely with President Donald Trump for several months in 2017. The One who sleeps at R’lyeh briefly served as a consultant on the Trump...
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The Babylon Bee Cthulhu Releases Tell-All Book From Time Within Trump Administration 6d
Satan’s Armies Still Heavily Focused On Comments Sections
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INTERNET—Sources confirmed Friday morning that Satan’s armies are still heavily focused on infiltrating and maintaining control of website comments sections across the internet, a tactical onslaught they’ve been focused on for the better part of the...
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The Babylon Bee Satan’s Armies Still Heavily Focused On Comments Sections 7d
Facebook Will Now Automatically Drone Strike People Who Post Fake News
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MENLO PARK, CA—Fake news has finally met its match in Mark Zuckerberg. The Facebook CEO announced Monday that his wildly successful social network will now “promptly and automatically” fly an MQ-1 Predator drone to the location of anyone who posts...
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The Babylon Bee Facebook Will Now Automatically Drone Strike People Who Post Fake News 7d
Bummer: Antifa Member Grounded For 2 Weeks After Staying Out Too Late At Rally
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Not good! This proud member of Antifa was grounded for a full two weeks after he stayed out too late at a rally this weekend. Aw, man! Totally not fair, dude! The 22-year-old Antifa activist had carefully stuffed his bed to make it appear that he...
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The Babylon Bee Bummer: Antifa Member Grounded For 2 Weeks After Staying Out Too Late At Rally 7d
Mario Removed From 'Smash Bros.' Roster After Anti-Goomba Tweets Surface
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KYOTO, JAPAN—Mario’s storied career may be coming to an end. After critics recently unearthed concerning, inflammatory anti-Goomba tweets posted by the Italian plumber, Nintendo has severed ties with the Mushroom Kingdom celebrity, removing him from...
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The Babylon Bee Mario Removed From ‘Smash Bros.’ Roster After Anti-Goomba Tweets Surface 7d
Modern-Day Job Refuses To Curse God Even After Three Hours Of Spotty Internet
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DETROIT, MI—Much like Job from the Bible, Stephen Bowen found his faith tested by Satan when calamity struck, giving him extremely unreliable internet for three whole hours one evening. It started as he sat down to continue binge-watching...
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The Babylon Bee Modern-Day Job Refuses To Curse God Even After Three Hours Of Spotty Internet 7d