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Elizabeth Warren Proposes Replacing Government-Created Problem With New, Bigger Government-Created Problem
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a bold initiative announced as part of her campaign for president, Elizabeth Warren has identified a large, government-created problem and has announced a new, bloated plan to create an even larger, government-created...
Trump Criticizes Jesus For Rejecting 'Tremendous Deal' With Satan
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a speech to his evangelical supporters, who still support him apparently, President Donald Trump criticized Jesus of Nazareth for rejecting the "tremendous deal" that Satan offered while Jesus was being tempted in the...
Infographic: Guide To Alternative Names For World Religions
You can't be too careful out there nowadays. It's really easy to call a religious person an offensive name. No one knows this better than the press. The mainstream media is very sensitive to different religions. They may be the very best experts in...
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The Babylon Bee
Are you a reporter or politician who's unsure what to call various religions? The Easter Worshipers at The Babylon Bee are here to help:
babylonbee.com/news/infograph… pic.twitter.com/CoYNR2VoA5
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In Controversial Conclusion To 'Avengers' Saga, Captain Marvel Slays Thanos With Incredibly Irritating Gender Inequality Lecture
U.S.—Avengers: Endgame reviews are popping up all over the internet, and the conclusion to the epic Infinity Saga is dividing critics and fans alike.According to reports, as the film nears its ending, Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) sneaks up on Thanos...
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The Babylon Bee
In Controversial Conclusion To 'Avengers' Saga, Captain Marvel Slays Thanos With Incredibly Irritating Gender Inequality Lecture
30h
Ocasio-Cortez Calls For Boycott Of 'Sesame Street' After Discovering Show Is Sponsored By Numbers
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has announced that she is leading a boycott against the popular show Sesame Street.“I was watching it the other day,” Ocasio-Cortez explained to the press, “because I love Abby Cadabby -- and...
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The Babylon Bee
Ocasio-Cortez Calls For Boycott Of 'Sesame Street' After Discovering Show Is Sponsored By Numbers
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Missed It By That Much: Hillary Clinton Almost Wins 'Wheel Of Fortune' But Then Shouts 'Easter Worshiper' Instead Of 'Christian'
Some people think Hillary Clinton is robotic and hard to sympathize with, but even our hearts went out to her on this one.On a special politicians' episode of Wheel of Fortune, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton nearly took home the grand...
Bernie Sanders Vows To Round Up Remaining ISIS Members, Allow Them To Vote
U.S.—During a CNN town hall event Monday evening, presidential candidate Bernie Sanders came out tough on terror, vowing to do what was needed to round up the remaining members of ISIS in order to give them the right to vote in US elections."As...
To Show Respect For Sri Lanka Victims, Democrats Vow Not To Mention Their Religion At All
U.S.—In order to show respect for the victims of the horrific attacks in Sri Lanka over the weekend, several top Democrats have vowed not to mention their religion at all."The best way we can show reverence for these victims," former president...
'Game Of Thrones' Fans Confused As Aslan Suddenly Appears To Claim Iron Throne
WORLD—Game of Thrones fans around the world registered their shock and confusion as an unlikely contender for the Iron Throne burst onscreen during Sunday night's episode to make his claim to rule Westeros: Aslan the Lion, Son of the...
Obnoxious Snopes Writer Keeps Fact-Checking People's Jokes At Parties
U.S.—According to sources, an obnoxious contributor to Snopes.com continues to fact-check people's jokes at every party he goes to.The writer, Xander Billings, is always ready to confront people telling jokes with facts and logic to ensure the...
Millions Of Marshmallow Peeps Begin Annual Migration Back To Isle Of Disgusting Candies
U.S.—The Animal Conservation Society confirmed Monday that the annual migration of the marshmallow Peeps candies began after Easter, with hundreds of millions of the unsold, uneaten, and unloved marshmallow candies returning home for a long furlough...
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The Babylon Bee
Millions Of Marshmallow Peeps Begin Annual Migration Back To Isle Of Disgusting Candies
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Local Family Attending Church On Easter Just In Case God Is Real
RUTLAND, VT—Reasoning that it’s the safe thing to do, local family The Wilsons announced they will be attending the Easter service at Rutland First United Methodist Church on Sunday, just in case God is real.“This will be our fifth year in a row...
Pinky, Brain Announce 2020 Run
ACME LABS—Two genetically enhanced laboratory mice, Pinky and the Brain, announced Friday their 2020 presidential run.The mice have been engineered to think and speak, though the experimentation seems to have given at least one of the mice...
Trump Awards Self The Presidential Medal Of Not Committing Crimes
WASHINGTON D.C.—After the release of the Mueller Report, which stated there was no evidence that President Donald Trump had committed a crime, Trump held an awards ceremony in which he gave away what he described as “the most prestigious award ever...
Mueller Report Revealed To Contain 300 Pages Of 'Avengers: Endgame' Fan Theories
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After much speculation on the exact contents of Robert Mueller's report on possible Russian collusion in the 2016 election, the full text of the report has finally been revealed to contain over 300 pages of theories on the plot of...
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Did Nick Cage Steal The Declaration? FALSE—Plus 5 More Shocking Snopes Reveals
U.S.—It can be hard to discern fact from fiction in the age of the internet. Clickbait abounds in a market where getting eyes on ads supersedes the need for truth or journalistic integrity. Thankfully, there are resources to help us tell fact from...
CNN: 'God Allowed The Mueller Report To Test Our Unshakable Faith In Collusion'
ATLANTA, GA—Anchors at CNN headquarters have made a bold statement of unwavering faith after the Mueller Report revealed no actual evidence that Trump colluded with Russia. "We believe in collusion with all our hearts and will never let the world's...
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Twitter To Improve User Experience By Requiring Every Tweet Be Accompanied By A Picture Of A Puppy
SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Twitter is making yet another change to try to improve the user experience. One of the biggest complaints about Twitter is all the toxicity on the platform and how it seems to encourage people to spew venom at each other instead of...
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The Babylon Bee
Twitter To Improve User Experience By Requiring Every Tweet Be Accompanied By A Picture Of A Puppy
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Amid Criticism, Bernie Sanders Vows To Be More Generous With Your Money In The Future
WASHINGTON, D.C.—After it was revealed that Bernie Sanders only gave a very small percentage of his considerable wealth to charity upon release of his tax returns, socialist Bernie Sanders vowed to do better, promising to be more generous with your...
Baptists Release Modified Version Of Food Pyramid With Mostly Just Casseroles
NASHVILLE, TN—The Southern Baptist Convention’s medical research board announced Tuesday it had completed its long-awaited food pyramid to help Baptist church members make healthy selections for their daily nutritional needs.The pyramid contains...