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ABC News Airs Authentic Footage Of 164-Foot-Tall Godzilla Rampaging Through Syria
NEW YORK, NY—ABC News has been praised as a bastion of journalistic integrity and in-depth reporting after being the first ones to air authentic footage of a 164-foot-tall lizard monster rampaging through Syria.The footage, dubbed "Slaughter in...
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The Babylon Bee
ABC News Airs Authentic Footage Of 164-Foot-Tall Godzilla Rampaging Through Syria
13h
In Response To Question About Raising Taxes, Elizabeth Warren Comes Out As A Gay Man
WESTERVILLE, OH—After presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren was pressed on her plan to raise taxes on the middle class, Warren boldly answered the question by coming out as a gay man."I'm glad you asked," she said. "Actually, this question has...
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The Babylon Bee
In Response To Question About Raising Taxes, Elizabeth Warren Comes Out As A Gay Man
17h
RNC Raising Money To Help Democrats Televise Five Debates A Week
WASHINGTON, D.C.—The Republican National Committee has launched an ambitious fundraiser to help the Democrats televise a debate every weeknight.The move is expected to drum up significant support for the Republicans, not on their own merit but on...
Oppressed Chinese Citizens Apologize To NBA Players For Disrupting Their Difficult Week
HONG KONG—Citizens oppressed by the totalitarian Chinese government have issued an apology after making life difficult for NBA players over the past week."Look, we never meant to make your lives difficult---we are so, so sorry," said a...
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The Babylon Bee
Oppressed Chinese Citizens Apologize To NBA Players For Disrupting Their Difficult Week
37h
New Smart Doorbell Will Argue With Jehovah's Witnesses, LDS Missionaries For You
SANTA MONICA, CA—Security and smart home manufacturer Ring recently announced a new version of its innovative video doorbell. The Debate Ring Pro is designed to engage in theological arguments with visitors from other religious backgrounds. When the...
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The Babylon Bee
New Smart Doorbell Will Argue With Jehovah's Witnesses, LDS Missionaries For You
40h
LeBron James Says Rosa Parks's Bus Protest 'Could Have Waited A Week'
LOS ANGELES, CA—NBA superstar Lebron James recently told reporters that while he respects what Rosa Parks did for civil rights by refusing to give up her seat on a bus in 1955 Alabama, he thinks her protest “probably could have waited a week.”James,...
Trump Vows To Cut Foreign Aid To California
WASHINGTON, D.C.—There’s more bad news for California, as the failed state is struggling to even keep the lights on, and now President Trump has announced cutting off all foreign aid to California. “American money should go to Americans,” Trump told...
Police Keep Antifa Away From Columbus Statues By Taping Job Applications Onto Them
U.S.—Antifa factions nationwide had planned a “deface Columbus day,” on which they intended to deface and destroy statues of Christopher Columbus Monday, but authorities in many cities got the better of the radical far-left groups with a brilliant...
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The Babylon Bee
Police Keep Antifa Away From Columbus Statues By Taping Job Applications Onto Them
56h
Was That Video Of Trump Shooting His Political Foes In The Face Doctored? An In-Depth Analysis
A video of Trump shooting various news oulets and other political foes in the face was shared at a Trump resort. But was the footage real, or doctored? That's the question, and we got our best video analysts on the case right away.The first clue...
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The Babylon Bee
Was That Video Of Trump Shooting His Political Foes In The Face Doctored? An In-Depth Analysis
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Progressive Utopia Of California Becomes First State To Eliminate Electricity Entirely
SACRAMENTO, CA—California is being heralded as a progressive utopia after eliminating electricity entirely.Working by candelight at his desk, Governor Gavin Newsom signed a new law that bans electricity, propelling the state into a progressive...
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The Babylon Bee
Progressive Utopia Of California Becomes First State To Eliminate Electricity Entirely
3d
Billionaire Bruce Wayne Criticized For Punching Down
GOTHAM CITY—Billionaire Bruce Wayne has come under fire for the way he dresses up as a bat and beats up alleged criminals. Many refer to his activity as “punching down” since the people he attacks tend to be citizens in the lower class.“Bruce Wayne...
Nobel Peace Prize Committee Criticized For Selecting Winner Who Actually Did Something For World Peace
OSLO—The Norwegian Nobel Committee has come under intense criticism after betraying one of its core values: handing the award out to people who haven't actually done anything to work toward world peace.After the prize was awarded to Ethiopia's prime...
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The Babylon Bee
Nobel Peace Prize Committee Criticized For Selecting Winner Who Actually Did Something For World Peace
4d
Elizabeth Warren Directs Audience To Look Into Flashy Thing From Men In Black So They'll Forget Her Previous Contradictory Statements
LOS ANGELES, CA—Presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren told an audience at a campaign rally about how she was run out of her job for being pregnant.Unfortunately, many of those gathered had heard her previous statements that contradicted this new...
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The Babylon Bee
Elizabeth Warren Directs Audience To Look Into Flashy Thing From Men In Black So They'll Forget Her Previous Contradictory Statements
6d
Beto Proposes Renaming First Ten Amendments 'The Bill Of Wrongs'
LOS ANGELES, CA—Beto O'Rourke came under fire for his attack on religious liberty at the LGBTQ+++ town hall last night.But O'Rourke stuck to his guns---metaphorical guns, of course---and fired right back (again, only in metaphor)."See, this is the...
More Realistic 'Friends' Reboot To Feature Six Millennials Who Make Plans To Get Together But Then Decide They're Too Tired And Cancel
U.S.—Friends is a classic TV show loved by everyone who can't decide what else to watch on Netflix and need something to watch between The Office viewings. But it's getting a little long in the tooth, with tired sitcom plotlines and problematic...
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The Babylon Bee
More Realistic 'Friends' Reboot To Feature Six Millennials Who Make Plans To Get Together But Then Decide They're Too Tired And Cancel
6d
Elizabeth Warren Recalls How She Lost Her Teaching Job When Her Fake Mustache Fell Off Revealing She's A Woman
U.S.—As part of her campaign, Elizabeth Warren has begun sharing stories illustrating the hardship and discrimination she’s faced. Recently, she revealed a particularly tough time back in the early '70s when she lost a teaching job because her fake...
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The Babylon Bee
Elizabeth Warren Recalls How She Lost Her Teaching Job When Her Fake Mustache Fell Off Revealing She's A Woman
6d
Survey Finds More People Would Support Impeachment If They Knew What Crime Trump Was Supposed To Have Committed
U.S.—A new study found that support for impeaching President Trump would rise significantly if someone, anyone could just tell people what crime Trump is supposed to have committed.Republicans and many independents are stubbornly resisting the...
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The Babylon Bee
Survey Finds More People Would Support Impeachment If They Knew What Crime Trump Was Supposed To Have Committed
6d
Starbucks Voted Best Coffee If You're In The Middle Of A Deserted Wasteland And There Are No Other Options Within 1000 Miles
U.S.—A new poll found that Starbucks was consumers' favorite coffee, in the event that they're in the middle of a deserted wasteland and the only thing there is a Starbucks.A slim majority of those polled said they would prefer drinking Starbucks'...
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The Babylon Bee
Starbucks Voted Best Coffee If You're In The Middle Of A Deserted Wasteland And There Are No Other Options Within 1000 Miles
7d
President Xi Makes NBA All-Star Team
U.S.—The NBA has found itself at odds with its lucrative Chinese market, and the league is doing its best to appease the Chinese government. In a move intended to patch things up with China, the NBA announced that President Xi Jinping has made the...